A Deserted Life

Do not hate me for being myself
It is not my fault that I am different from you
God makes me the way I am, and It is my destiny
What do you have against me?
I never bother you, but you hate everything I do
I embrace my solitude for it forces me to know myself more
I kind of wish that things were different between us
Why are you still begging me to change?
Why do you want to fix me?
I deserted you because I love my freedom
I do not care if you do not want to be with me
I will always be me and will never change that
If you think that I should be unhappy, you are wrong
I am just a bird who is enjoying life freely

This week’s challenge from:

Learning to Say No

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to please everyone. I went above and beyond to please others. I was the girl everyone called when they needed something because the word NO was never in my vocabulary. I thought if I was always available and helping them that it will make me feel happy and love. I was always looking for people approval. I wanted them to see me as the most wonderful person on earth.
See, I grew up in a crazy family with strict Caribbean rules. I was raised to be obedient, respectful, helpful and compassionate to others. My greatest joy was when others compliment me for my works and efforts. There was a lot of Dos and Don’ts in my household. My parents had the perfect methods on how to raise the perfect daughter. For instance, I was not allowed to choose my friends or go to their house. I had always been reserved and shy. I never voiced my opinion because I was afraid to speak up for myself and hurt others. I never complained because I thought life was supposed to be that way.
As an adult, I can say that my childhood affects my life greatly. Even though I plan my week every Sunday, I have a tendency to leave my projects behind to satisfy other people. No matter how busy I am, being there for everyone is important to me because I’m afraid to let anyone down. Whatever someone asks me to do, my answer is always YES! These situations always upset me because they are never part of my plans. I never tell anyone how I feel; I keep everything bottled up inside.
As years go by, I have come to realize that I am just letting everyone walks all over me. I figure out that not speaking up for myself is increasing my stress and blood pressure levels. I constantly have migraines and cannot sleep well. I am now learning to say NO to people. Sometimes I forget that I am just human, I get caught up in living a perfectly peaceful life that I forget about my happiness. I am a work in progress because I am still afraid of critics. But I am learning not to worry about other people’s comments. I also know that I am not the only person who can help. I still feel guilty every time I cannot be there for someone. But I have to keep telling myself that these changes are for my well-being. It is a weight off my shoulders knowing that I do not always have to worry about other people problems. The most important thing that I am learning right now is to love and accept myself for who I am.
I am still going to be a great, loving, and caring person. I will always be there to support my friends and family except that I will put myself first.